Welcome back to #EmerilHive, a weeklyish newsletter by Becca Thimmesch.
Somehow it became June. Like, mid-June.
Which is fine. The passage of time doesn’t bother me! I’m not even a little bit stressed about it.
It’s blistering hot here in England, by which I mean it’s 79 degrees but without air conditioning so I’m personally melting. I grill every meal except breakfast because turning on my stove would heat my house in a way we’d never recover from.
I’m very recently fully-vaccinated, and apart from a crucial gel manicure, all I can think about is entertaining.
Going out is all good and well, but what going out lacks that entertaining offers is my house, which is awesome because I love my house and being in it. It’s where all my stuff is!
When I was a kid, my biggest fantasy of adult life was entertaining. I’d watch Martha and Ina and take dutiful mental notes and be like, oh yeah, my guests are going to rave for an updated take on a classic wedge salad.
But no Food Network diva gets the approach to entertaining quite as right as Sandra Lee, who the teens are now discovering for her gregarious approach to cocktail making. Also, did you know she dated Andrew Cuomo for like, a really long time? Interesting choices abound.
The crux of her show, Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee was: make some stuff, buy some stuff, and be so absolutely nuts that it all comes together. It’s a perfect philosophy for entertaining, but I like to extend it to all aspects of my life.
I got the opportunity to host this weekend—actual hosting, none of this 1 other couple and a round of drinks bullshit. It was, to my dismay, mostly men, but we take what we can get in this economy. I had some early doubters as to my ability to provide a casual, fun experience for a male audience, but I pulled it off with high praise, because literally everyone who’s tried the pasta with fried lemons likes it! So without further diversion, here are some tips for any barbecues you might have upcoming.
Low alcohol batch cocktails are excellent. Make a pitcher of Pimms! Or buy cheap beers and make shandies—which I did with PBR (lol) and fresh squeezed lemonade, a fun high-low deal but also because European lemonade is something else and it’s kinda weird.
Put out water. I’m not joking! People forget to put out water for guests and people get hot and drunk and then you’ve got people rummaging in your kitchen and coming back outside drinking lukewarm sink water out of that cup no one uses. But also like, not everyone drinks, so maybe put a few seconds of effort into some non-alcoholic offerings. I love to make what I call a Summer Sipper, in which you drizzle pomegranate molasses over muddled mint and top with seltzer. Or you can buy a box of La Croix.
Wear shoes. Yes it’s your house, but if you’re going to be standing around grilling and chatting for hours you’re going to need some arch support.
You simply must eat. Take the time to eat. Eat before people arrive! Eat during! It’s easier than it seems to forget, but you don’t want to realize you’re starving just as your guests are finishing off all the nice sides you so lovingly made.
Buy an angel food cake from Safeway and wash a pound of strawberries for the easiest possible dessert.
A big sandwich, made from a sheet of focaccia, is an absolute crowd pleaser but if it’s very hot and sunny I’m going to strongly recommend that you steer away from an Italian-style version (calabrian mayo won’t keep) and slather both sides of the bread with hummus or pureed white beans, then pile high with grilled summer vegetables.
If you’re like me and you have a convoluted waste management system, clearly mark it so that your guests aren’t messing with your compost bin.
Grill more vegetables than you think.
Buy more tortilla chips than you think.
Salsa over guac.
Your guests will be fine. Don’t overextend yourself. Sit down occasionally and eat your own food. Talk to whoever you want. People are generally adults and have generally adult expectations and this isn’t like, 1963 and you’re certainly not Betty Draper (sorry to say it) so don’t deny yourself fun and relaxation out of some misplaced idea of what a host should be.
Buy bags of ice. This doesn’t have to become your weekly shop or anything but like, just buy ice. Do you really want to be messing with your 2 ice cube trays all evening? Plus buying ice on a hot summer day feels awesome and like you’re cheating god.
It’s OK not to have a perfectly cohesive menu. We’re all just trying to have a good time.
I know we haven’t had to do too many awkward social situations lately but I’m sorry to say that they may make a comeback in this vaxxed and waxed Summer. Someone you invited might bring someone who really annoys you, or your park hangout might be marred by weird guys doing martial arts or whatever or a couple having what is essentially intercourse on a nearby blanket. Hypothetically speaking, maybe a handful of guys who were like, tangentially invited show up and they’re super [REDACTED] out and they drink way more than their fair share. Are you really going to waste a vaccinated afternoon being upset when you have a gorgeous plate of white bean salad sitting in your lap? You put your expensive tinted sunscreen on, for petes sake!
Entertaining should be just as much for you as it is for your guests. If you’re running around or stressed or just generally not having fun, what’s the point? We have another long, hot summer ahead in which the great outdoors are generally the best and safest place to be. Enjoy it!
Another Week …
I planted zucchini and marveled at my tomato plants for multiple hours. I turned pasta with fried lemons into pasta salad and made party chicken along with exactly 48 hot dogs for a rapt audience. I held a baby for the first time in an extremely long time. It got really, really hot and I learned a great deal about generating cross-breezes. I met most of my classmates for the first time and felt shockingly, blisteringly happy. I figured out a formula for quick bao with any filling that will come to your inbox on Thursday.
Emeril Update
The big man is coming back to the small screen! Is Masterchef like Chopped? Because I hate Chopped.
Yay.....so glad to see you back in your element.